These Words from My Dad That Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the actual experience quickly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good place. You need support. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a larger failure to talk amongst men, who continue to internalise damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a sign of being weak to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a respite - taking a few days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without stable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "bad actions" when younger to modify how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a family member, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their struggles, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."